Imagine you have two options before you: instant money or instant fame. Which would you choose? For some people like myself, the answer is pretty obvious. That beautiful shoe I saw on Instagram cannot be bought by mere ogling or else, I would have been its proud owner 5 minutes ago. But for others, fame is the choice which I totally do not understand. But as the saying goes, ‘different strokes for different folks’.
Fame means many things to different people but it does not in any way translate to success. One can be very famous and still be a failure.
One can be famous but can still be broke, depressed, battling an addiction, or suicidal. I do not need to list the number of famous people you know that committed suicide or died from a drug overdose in the last 20 years.
Honestly, the names will exceed my 2000 word limit and I am sure you will start wondering if this article is a guide or just a list. Okay, let me stop rambling and get to the point.
So you want to achieve quick fame, right? This article is for you then. I present to you, four tested and trusted methods of fulfilling your dream…. *drumroll*
Become an artist… a really bad artist
in Nigeria, music seems to be the ‘in-thing’ recently and every one in every corner of every street of every city of every state is an upcoming musician.
Some of these artists are really good, some are average and some can’t sing to save their lives and there are all looking for an opportunity; that big break but can’t seem to get it.
Many of these musicians have turned to trying to trend their songs on twitter via meaningless hashtags, but this clearly has not worked and it can be noticed by the diminishing frequency of this trend. Others have tried to get the attention of producers and music celebrities.
Few actually make it via this means… but that is it, just a few. Now this is where you come in. You really do not have to be interested in music to get into the music industry. In fact, this tip would work perfectly for you if you are tone deaf or cannot sing to save your life.
Just get into a recording studio, pay for time, and record anything that you can think of for about two to three minutes.
You might decide to write something before getting into the studio, it is your choice. But it is more advisable to just go in there and let your creative juices flow.
When the producer is done working his magic on the track, release it on twitter and tag about 10 to 20 big names in the Nigerian industry with the download link.
Also, tag popular people you know with lots of followers. Post it on Facebook and every other available social media you are on and encourage your friends to share and retweet it.
I guarantee that within 2 days, you will be a household name, at least every house that has a teenager or youth present in Nigeria will have heard your name. Ever heard of Vic-O?
He is a twitter celebrity and has applied this method. It has worked perfectly for him. Remember the Drake-Meekmill beef in which both artistes released multiple diss tracks targeting the other?
Vic-O successfully employed it to his advantage and released his own diss track which he guaranteed would ‘bury’ both international artistes. And it worked! Within an hour,
Vic-O had become a trending a topic in Nigeria. It added to his music collection and gained him thousands of followers on twitter. Finally, one beautiful thing about this method is that you do not need publicists to make it work. You can do it all on your own!
Make a sex tape…a really sexy one
This tip will work better for the ladies reading this. Have you ever wondered what brought Kim Kardashian-West and Paris Hilton to the limelight? You guessed right… a sex tape!
I have not seen any of them but those who have swear to its sheer brilliance. Imagine if these ladies had not made those tapes, you will not know their names now, would you?
Instant fame has its price and those who want to get there have to pay that price. You have to be daring and really stand out from the crowd in order to gain that attention that you solely crave.
So, take off those clothes, find a lover or a random guy ready to have some fun, place your cameras in strategic places that will highlight your best body parts and perform!
However, make sure never to look directly at those cameras so that you can have the luxury of deniability in the future.
When that has been done, make sure your lover posts it on the internet, mentions your name or tags you on twitter.
He should close his account immediately and after this has been done, get ready for the mentions to start rolling in. Note that you could do it yourself with a secret account but it will look too desperate especially if you are caught.
Do not underestimate people these days, there is an 80 percent possibility that it will be traced back to you and we do not want that to happen.
If you follow these steps, you will become an instant hit and you might even get movie role offers from directors and producers if your performance in the tape was stellar.
If you can ride on this success, then you can even be a movie star! Not bad for just a 10 minute romp in the sheets, right?
Become an internet fraudster (yahoo boy)… and flaunt it: how do you identify a yahoo boy? A big house(s), latest cars, gold chains (bling bling)?
I am sure all these examples came to your mind too because of the ostentatious lifestyles we have seen flaunted on the internet by some of these big boys only to be arrested later on. And how did you know about these guys? Is it just because of their ‘jobs’?
NO! It was because they were show-offs. And that is why their arrest was even more publicised and spread like wildfire.
Therefore, to achieve fame using this method, it is just not enough to become an internet fraudster, make sure to flaunt the proceeds as soon as they come.
Keep doing this and you will definitely become popular. Who doesn’t want to be friends with a big boy? This will give you considerable fame. But the best way to ‘blow’ is to become targeted and arrested by the EFCC.
That is when you will fulfil your dream of becoming famous! And really, a few days, months or even years spent in the police cell is nothing compared to gaining that instant popularity… right?
Read Also: 15 Ways to Become a Celebrity in Nigeria
Date a celebrity… and show him off
If I ask you to mention 10 celebrity wives or girlfriends, I am sure your fingers will not be able to exhaust the list.
Then why are you not taking advantage of this obvious road to success? Another sure-fire way to become instantly popular is to date a celebrity.
Research on the hangout spots that you can find this celebrities; single, taken or even married. Do not hold back! Once you have a comprehensive list of where to find these celebrities, make sure you are found there.
Dress to impress, make up like it is your wedding day and put on those heels. Note that you should not go there with a group of girls.
If you must go with friends, select those that are not good-looking to go with you. Why? To improve your chances and make you look like the hottest one in the group, duh!
When you get to these places, make sure to do everything to be noticed but try hard not to embarrass yourself so as not to look like you are trying too hard.
Sit close to one you really fancy but do not act like you know him. This will spark more interest in you as these guys are more intrigued by girls that do not notice and treat them like celebrities.
Keep doing your thing and I assure you that after three visits to that place or places, you will definitely find one of these celebrities chasing after you like a puppy.
If this does not happen, the guy is gay. On to the next one! You could also befriend friends of these celebrities in order to get into their circle and get invited to the hottest parties where they will be definitely be found.
I have provided four guaranteed methods (two for each sexes) of achieving instant fame in Nigeria. If you try any of these methods and they do not work, find me and kill me. Have fun!
This article is purely sarcastic. Follow any of these tips to your detriment. Fame cannot be achieved instantly in any country, Nigeria or otherwise.If you want lasting fame, you must be hardworking, dedicated, diligent and patient. Those who seem to just come become famous out of nowhere have paid prices which you may not know about. However, if you want 15 minutes of fame with no lasting impression, feel free to try out my tips.Click here to see the latest Study Abroad Scholarships and Guides
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